Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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