we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
