Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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