I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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