I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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