We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
