I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
