I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The air was thick with penises
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
