just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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