the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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