we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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