i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
