I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think i have two assholes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
