My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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