Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
