If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
