I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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