btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
