Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
