bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
