So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
