i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
