Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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