ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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