Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
