is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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