At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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