your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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