Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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