The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
