she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
