Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
