I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
