Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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