My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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