Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
