I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
