i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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