I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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