Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
