tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
