they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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