you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Come see our sink grown plant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
