He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize