i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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