I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You can't special order awesome
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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