I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
