How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
