He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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