glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
