brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
