by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
