Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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