I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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