why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
