just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
