we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
