she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
