I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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