What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
