Can i not drive my cunt home
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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