I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
