it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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