Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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