The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
