I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
