8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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