My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
